Retaliation
by marinebrat91
Summary: "All the medicine in the world couldn't stop you from the reality of not having HER anymore... And I mean both of them, Eli.  Good job of committing two murders. One for Julia, and the other for your relationship with Clare."
1. Unwelcome Company

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi!**

**Authors note: This is my first attempt at fanfiction. Please leave me feedback! You all should know that in this story Drop the World did not occur! Big thanks to those of you who helped me with this story!**

Eli opened the door to his bedroom. He was relieved to be home from school. It had been a miserable day and all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep before Cece arrived home. He knew once she did, he would be bombarded by questions about his day. He threw his book bag into the corner of his bedroom, catching a quick glimpse of the mess it landed on. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard trying not to have a panic attack.

Eli ran over to his nightstand drawer and grabbed the medication that his therapist suggested he try. He had to admit, it worked. He had been able to dispose of most of the junk in his room without having the familiar feelings of anxiety overcome him. Looking at what was still left always made him feel uneasy, but he never had the time to finish up. Taking one of his pills instantly made him feel more at ease. He flopped back on his bed and kicked off his shoes. He laid there for a few minutes, just to take in the blissful silence. He ignored any thoughts that threatened to take away his peaceful state and slowly drifted off to sleep. Just minutes after escaping to the world of dreams, he was pulled back to reality by his phone ringing loudly in his pocket. He groaned as he reached for it, and then again when he saw it was a text from Clare.

_I'm sorry.  
><em>

Eli wasn't really up for having a discussion, so he decided to just accept the apology. 

_It's fine, Clare.  
><em>

Seconds later his phone went off again. Somehow he knew it wouldn't be that simple to end this conversation. 

_Can we talk about it?  
><em>

Eli was becoming increasingly angry as he read each word. The memories of the day's events were flooding over him. 

_No. I really just need to think, okay?  
><em>

He tried to remain calm. He honestly didn't even want to think, but he knew it would get Clare to stop texting him.

_Okay. Call me later.  
><em>  
><em><br>Okay Clare.  
><em>

Eli threw his phone on his bed and tried to push the reoccurring thoughts out of his mind. The thoughts were persistent in slipping back in every time. Soon enough Eli was deep in flashbacks.

***Flashback to school that day***

"Good morning, Edwards," Eli said walking up to Clare's locker and giving her his signature smirk.

"Morning Eli," the blue-eyed girl replied. She leaned in for a quick kiss and hoped no one would see their public display of affection.

"Gross!" Eli and Clare heard Adam proclaim loudly as he walked past them to head into his classroom. Both of them started laughing and then continued to talk until they heard the bell.

"I guess that's my cue to get to class," Clare said, with a grin.

"I guess so, but not before you agree to meet me after school. I planned a little date for us," Eli said excitedly.

"Aww, how sweet of you Eli."

"Just something special for my girl," Eli said as he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder as they began walking down the hall.

"I'll be there, Eli," Clare said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek before walking into her classroom.

Eli was left standing in the hallway and he couldn't help but be excited for the rendezvous he had planned out in his mind. When he noticed he was completely alone he realized that he needed to get to class. He walked down the hallway and took a seat next to his best friend, Adam, in class. Eli saw the boy give him a mocking smile as he sat down, which he chose to ignore. He waited impatiently for class to end so that he would be one class closer to spending some quality time with Clare.

The bell sounded and Eli dashed out of class hoping to meet Clare outside of hers and walk her to the next class.

"Hello m'lady," Eli said sneaking up behind Clare.

"Hey Eli. I'm glad you're here," Clare responded nervously and Eli could instantly tell something was up.

"Spit it out, Edwards."

"Well, I-I know I said I'd go on that date with you after school, but someone really needs my help."

Eli's mood was instantly crushed.

"Who?" he asked.

"Well uhm, actually it's Fitz. He text messaged me while was in class."

"Ha! You're kidding right?" Clare, you can't seriously blow me off for Fitz right now," Eli retorted.

"I'm sorry Eli. He's having trouble with his family again and I just want to be there for him."

"Yeah whatever. Blow off your boyfriend for the asshole who tried to stab him." Eli laughed. "I should have saw this coming." 

"I can't just let him deal with this alone, Eli. He needs someone." Clare said pleadingly.

"Okay Clare. Have fun with Fitzy-boy," Eli said with a sarcastic tone walking away and leaving her to walk to class on her own.

*Eli's Room* 

Eli sat up on his bed. He was way more upset over Clare blowing him off then he allowed her to see. Eli realized he had a lot to think about. He got up and walked over to his closet where he took out a shoe box and set it down on his bed. Sitting down next to it, he opened it up to reveal its contents. Inside the box was everything he could save from the few months he and Clare had been together. 

He looked at the watch Clare gave him that belonged to her dad. He remembered standing there at his locker when Clare gave it to him. He also remembered how this very watch was the cause of Clare finding out about his hoarding. A smile brushed across his face. If it wasn't for that watch he might still be silently suffering. Setting the watch on his bed he took out other things from the box. His ticket to Vegas night was the first thing to catch his eye. That night sucked, but it was the first dance he went to as Clare's boyfriend. Even if she wasn't his date to the dance, that day was still special to him in some way. Next, he came across his Clara Edwin story and laughed as he remembered Clare calling her a floozy. It was the first piece of his writing that Clare had edited for him, and though he'd never admit it to her, his first draft was really terrible. 

He took out his DVD copy of the Romeo and Juliet project that he had completed with his two best friends. Memories of his first kiss with Clare flashed through his mind. At the time, it was just for a project but he knew it meant so much more. That was the kiss that started it all. Eli looked back into the box and held his ticket to the Chuck Palahniuk reading from his first date with Clare. Memories once again flooded his mind, as he reached up to touch his pierced ear. _Can I convince you to stay out for some contraband kissing?_ The sound of her voice was so clear in his mind.

Eli scooped up all the items as he lay back on his bed again. He clutched all the items in his hands, as if holding them tightly would bring those good moments back. Lately everything was so different. He and Clare spent more time fighting than not. Ever since Fitz returned she had been spending an awful lot of time with him. Eli had expressed his concerns about it with Clare, but she insisted it was strictly her helping him with family problems.

The boy put down all of the memorabilia from his adventures with Clare, and shoved them back into the shoebox, where they belonged. Instead of just lying there, Eli reached for a piece of blue glass that laid hidden on his nightstand. He'd acquired it as a young boy, on one of his hunting trips with Bullfrog. He didn't know why he'd picked it up, or why he kept it, but it always seemed to remind him of better times, whenever he was distressed. His mind drifted back to his dilemma with Clare and Fitz, and Eli felt the anger he felt towards Fitz rise inside of him. Right now, the Neanderthal was probably making googly eyes at Clare. His girlfriend.

Eli grew furious as he thought about the few times he had caught Fitz flirting with Clare when they didn't know he was around. The most recent was when Eli went to meet Clare at The Dot and walked in just in time to see Fitz brushing Clare's hair behind her ear and staring lovingly into her eyes. He remembered storming towards them and screaming at Fitz, which only caused Clare to become angry with him.

It seemed Fitz was always putting stress on their relationship. He was slowly inching himself in between the two of them. He knew just what to do to make Eli seem like the bad guy. Thinking more and more Eli realized these were things he couldn't handle anymore. He was tired of the constant fighting. All the good memories he had with Clare suddenly didn't seem like enough. As he contemplated the answer to the very important question on his mind he grew increasingly angry. His hands began to ball up tightly and his breathing became heavier. He could feel himself starting to lose it.

"Shit!" Eli screamed loudly, sitting up and throwing the piece of glass in in his hands hard against his bedroom wall. It shattered, and Eli felt a part of him regret what he just did. His hand was bleeding, because of that stupid trinket, blood dripping down towards the floor. Everything was wrong. So wrong, and he knew there was no way to fix this broken mess. The answer was now quite clear in his mind. He reached for his phone, allowing his fidgety fingers to dial the number that had been imprinted in his mind. 

"Hello," the voice on the other end said.

"Hey Clare. Meet me at The Dot in ten, please."

"Is everything okay?" Clare asked. Her tone expressed great concern.

"We need to talk."


	2. Digital Hearts

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi!**

**Author's note: Hopefully in this chapter you guys will see the real topic of this fic! I'm so excited to hear what you all think! Also, I'm officially dedicating this story to a friend. I'm sorry you have become a victim. Big thanks to those who helped me out with this. I truly appreciate it! **

Eli sat on the edge of his bed looking at his cut hand. He knew he only had a few minutes to get to The Dot without keeping Clare waiting too long. He grabbed a small washcloth from the floor in the corner and wrapped it around his hand to catch the blood. The green-eyed boy walked over to his nightstand and grabbed his pill bottle. The chances of him having a freak-out session over the choice he was about to make were rather likely, so, unwillingly, he pulled out a single capsule. Swallowing the pill and chucking the bottle back into his drawer he glanced over at the pieces of blue glass laying on the slightly cluttered floor. Eli's heart sank slightly as he walked over and picked up just one piece. Just one more thing I fucked up, he thought.

As Morty pulled up outside The Dot, Eli looked in the window to see Clare sitting alone. _Breathe, Eli_, he thought to himself, as he parked the hearse and walked in to meet his girlfriend, or whatever she was now. Before reaching the table he unwrapped the washcloth from his hand and shoved it into his back pocket.

"Hey," he said feeling uneasy.

"Hi Eli," Clare replied, her voice sounding slightly nervous, as if she knew something was going to happen.

The tension could be cut with a knife. Eli knew what he was there for, whilst Clare didn't have the slightest clue. Becoming more nervous Eli reached for the glass of water that was sitting in front of him. As he grabbed it Clare caught a glimpse of his hand, which was no longer bleeding, but still looked pretty bad.

"Oh my, Eli! Are you okay? What happened?" she nearly shouted.

Her quick and loud response startled Eli and the blue glass fell out of his hand, shattering into little tiny pieces on the floor. Clare sat there blinking just staring at the glass on the floor. Hah, how ironic, the boy thought. It was like the cosmos were trying to make him feel bad.

"Shit." Eli jumped up and ran to the counter to get whatever he could to clean up the glass.

"Don't worry about it" said the guy behind the counter. "I'll clean it up."

Eli squinted trying to make out the worker's name from the nametag he was wearing. _Gavin,_ it read.

"Uh, thanks Gavin."

"No problem, it's sort of my job," he replied as he reached for a broom to clean up the glass.

Eli made his way back to the table and suggested that he and Clare sit at a different table, maybe even at a booth. As the two of them sat down again Eli noticed that Clare could not stop staring at his hand.

"I just cut myself with a piece of glass, that's all," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh," was all she said in return.

The two sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Usually they could sit together comfortably without either of them saying a word, but today it was awkward. Eli began thinking that he should just back out of his plan, and leave things as is. Then the memories began to flood over him again. All he saw was the image of Fitz flirting with Clare, and all he heard was her words from earlier that day when she blew him off. Again he knew this had to be done, and he couldn't wait any longer to do it.

"Clare, I called you here because I'm breaking up with you," Eli said bluntly.

A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind. A part of him wanted to retract what he said, but it was done. He wasn't sure being so straight forward with it was the best idea after he saw Clare's mouth drop open.

"W-what?" she asked him, her voice sounding broken.

Eli tried not to let the sadness in her voice get to him. He needed to stand his ground. He couldn't be hurt anymore. Everything that occurred since Fitz returned was taking a true emotional toll on him. Though he loved Clare he also knew that sometimes love was not enough.

"Things have been different lately. You've been spending all your free time with Fitz since he returned. I don't even trust the guy and all you want to do is be around him."

"But –"

"No buts, Clare. I've seen him flirting with you. You can ignore it all you want, but I see it. He's coming in between us, and as many times as I've mentioned this before, you haven't done anything to stop it!"

Eli was growing angrier with each word he spoke. Not at Clare but at Fitz. Why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he have stayed away from both of them? Eli knew from the beginning that Fitz finding Jesus was just a plot to win Clare over, and it was working pretty damn well.

Clare was staring at Eli with tears in her eyes, but he avoided making any form of eye contact with her. He knew it would break him inside. He loved this girl. This blue-eyed beauty sitting in front of him could take his breath away in an instant. He loved her more than he ever loved anyone else, but Fitz ruined that. He couldn't even look at her without seeing that son of a bitch. Eli started to ball up his fists again.

"Eli, you can't do this. I love you and I know you love me." Clare pleaded.

"We're not meant to be together," Eli said, much louder than he actually wanted to.

"We are," Clare yelled.

This gained stares from other people sitting around them. Eli didn't care, but he knew Clare did. Part of him felt bad for breaking her heart and embarrassing her all in the same night, but he wasn't going to let that affect him.

"You don't love me like you claim to," Eli shouted, as he received more stares. "Why don't you go make out with Fitz or something? I know that's what you want! That's what you've wanted since he came back."

He didn't mean that. He didn't mean one word of it but it just came out. _Why did I just say that?_ He asked himself. It made it easier for him to actually end things if he was mean, but he instantly regretted it when he raised his eyes to meet Clare's. He saw a broken mess standing in front of him. With tears streaming down her face she stood there glaring at him. He didn't mean to hurt her this bad.

He looked around and noticed that everyone was still staring at them. Feeling a little embarrassed himself he looked back to Clare.

"We're done," he whispered.

He left The Dot and walked to Morty leaving Clare sitting there alone; still not fully aware of what just happened. The second he shut Morty's door he broke down. This time tears were running down his own face. He tried to choke them back, but it was useless. Eli knew this was for the best, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

***Clare's room***

Clare had been sitting at her computer for a good hour or so. She was trying to write a well composed letter to Eli. She was still so confused. She didn't understand his reason for ending their relationship. Clare thought things were going so well. Aside from blowing Eli off to hang out with Fitz that afternoon, there had never been any problems.

An Instant Message popped up on her screen. It was from Alli. Clare had been ignoring Alli's text messages all night, so she should have known it wouldn't have been long before she tracked her down here.

_Alli: Hey Clare!_

_Clare: Hi Alli._

_Alli: Why have you been ignoring my messages? Are you okay?_

Clare still didn't feel like talking. That's why she ignored the messages in the first place.

Knowing Alli, she wouldn't quit without an answer so Clare was forced to spill.

_Clare: Eli broke up with me._

She read the words on the screen back to herself, letting them sink in. Her chest felt heavy and it was hard for her to breath. This hurt.

_Alli: Oh my gosh Clare! What a jerk! Do you need me to come over?_

Clare knew she definitely did not want to have company.

_Clare: No. I just want to be left alone._

_Alli: Okay. Just remember, he's a jerk and you're too good for him!_

She closed the message and then her eyes. Eli's face flashed into her mind. His green eyes and his crooked smile were both things that were always so perfect to her. She let her mind wander, thinking about their relationship. She found no fault with hanging out with Fitz. Although he had tried to stab Eli, he found Jesus. He was a good guy now.

Clare's mind brought her back to thinking about the events at The Dot. She let the images come back to memory. The usual loving look in Eli's eyes had been replaced with anger. She thought about the words he said. _Why don't you go make out with Fitz or something? I know that's what you want._ The words stung just as much in her mind as the first time in her ears. Then Alli's message popped back into her mind. _Just remember, he's a jerk and you're too good for him!_ She kept repeating those lines in her mind.

She opened her eyes. She sat there for a little while longer when she realized Alli was right. Eli was a jerk. How could he end their relationship that way? Hurtful words and yelling in a public environment. How could he say she never loved him? She loved him more than he could ever imagine. Why did he take her heart and rip it from her chest? Tears were forming, but Clare wasn't as sad as she expect. Instead she was furious. It was getting worse by the minute.

Clare closed the email that she had been working on, and went onto Facerange. She checked out Eli's profile, which still showed that he was in a relationship. All of his pictures were of the two of them. He was smiling that lovely crooked smile, happiness apparent in his eyes, but all she could see was a monster.

She clicked on the side where she could send him a message. Her mind had escaped her now. All that was going through her head was revenge. She wanted him to hurt just as much as she was. She made sure to hit anonymous first, in slight fear of forgetting later. It was like she was no longer in control of her body, as her fingers typed the message.

_All the medicine in the world couldn't stop you from the reality of not having HER anymore… And I mean both of them, Eli. Good job committing two murders. One for Julia, and the other for your relationship with Clare._

She hit send, before she had the chance to realize what she had done.


	3. Masquerade

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi!**

**Author's Note: This has been my hardest chapter to write. My heart and head have been all over the place, but I think I've finally got it down. A lot has changed since my last update, but my dedication still stands. **_**Anonymously**_**. As always, a big thank you to those who have helped me out through this story and through the issues that were keeping me from writing it. I appreciate it more than you know! **

After nearly two hours Eli was finally able to compose himself enough to drive home. Tears still threatened to escape his eyes but he managed to hold them back. He just let go of the person who meant the most to him. He thought it was a good idea, but now he wasn't too sure. He felt like there was a part of him missing now. It was a familiar feeling. Something he had only felt one other time in his life.

Eli dragged himself back into his house. He was hoping that Cece and Bullfrog would already be upstairs so he could avoid questions. He had only made it two steps into his house before he realized that wouldn't be the case. There both of his parents stood in the living room looking at him with concerned faces. He didn't want to face them. Not like this. He wondered what the chances were of neither of them noticing that he had been crying. 

"Babyboy, you've been crying. What's wrong?" He heard Cece's concern cut through her tone.

Turns out the chances were slim.

"Yeah, but I'm fine mom. I just want to be alone." 

He watched Cece nod before turning around and swiftly running up to his room, closing the door behind him. He sat himself on his bed only to look over and see that stupid blue glass trinket in pieces on the floor. He had forgotten it was there. He picked a shirt up, which was strewn on his bedside table and threw it on top of the glass. He would clean it up when he thought he could handle it, or handle anything.

The green-eyed boy threw himself face down on his bed and released the tears that had begun to sting at his eyes. _Get a hold of yourself_, Eli. This was probably the most he had ever allowed himself to cry. Usually he would hold everything in, but he was done with that now.

He moved over to his desk and turned on his laptop. He was hoping to catch Adam online. He could definitely use a chat with his best bud. His laptop came on, only to reveal that Adam wasn't online.

"Great," Eli muttered. 

Instead he decided to sign on to Facerange. The first thing that was there to meet him when he clicked login was a smiley picture of him and Clare. He noticed he had a message, but the picture felt like it was staring him straight in the eyes, teasing him, haunting him. Quickly he changed the photo and deleted the others off his profile. There were plenty of pictures of the two of them elsewhere, he didn't need these. Thanks for the memories, Clare Edwards.

After taking a breath to calm himself down he clicked his messages, in hopes that it would be from Adam. It wasn't. He read the message once and it hit him like a ton of bricks. He read it again and felt sick. It was anonymous, but his mind immediately thought of Fitz. Of course. Clare had run to him after their break up after all.

He wanted to be angry but he couldn't. He was too broken up about the message. It was short yet it contained the three things that could make him weak. The only things in this world that could make him feel like complete shit. He read the words over and over again and each time it took his breath away a little bit more. He felt like someone was standing in front of him and continuously kicking him in the gut.

Having the two girls he loved and lost brought up in one message was just too much to handle. He reached back into his drawer to take another one of his pills. It was the only thing he knew that would help ease the familiar feeling in his chest. The message was right though. No amount of medication in the world could help him get over it completely. At least it helped in some way. It worked enough for him to think clearly instead of making rash decisions. 

He signed off Facerange and threw himself back on his bed. Eli couldn't believe Clare had run to Fitz, but she obviously did. No one else would know all that information and try to use it against him. He loved Clare, and he still does, but he was pissed at her for confirming all of his suspicions. How could she share all of his secrets with Fitz? The idea that he may have been correct about the two tugged at his heart a little.

***At the school***

Clare was at her locker getting out her History textbook when she saw Eli making his way to his own locker. She took in everything she could about him at that moment. He looked fine to her. He didn't seem to be particularly broken up about anything. She wondered if he had read her message. A part of her felt guilty for sending it, but at the same time it helped to relieve her anger.

Just then Fitz snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. It took her by complete surprise.

"Hey Clarebear," he said, his voice loud enough for Eli to hear.

Clare quickly pushed his arms away from her, but Eli turned towards them just in time to see it. Clare saw a sinister smirk form on Eli's face as he walked towards them.

"You're a big man, Fitzy-boy," Eli muttered.

"Hey, it's not my fault you can't hang on to your lady," Fitz replied.

Clare wished she could fit inside her locker at that point. This seemed oddly familiar to her. She didn't want to put up with another feud between Eli and Fitz. Something told her this was just the beginning. She could see the hurt in Eli's eyes now. He buried it deep beneath anger. She wanted to reach out and grab his hand. It took everything in her power not to pull him in to a hug. She was so angry with this boy last night, yet now all she wanted to do was hold him. Clare was snapped out of her own thoughts by the two boys, now screaming at each other.

"You can keep her, it's not worth the fight," Eli snapped.

In that instant Clare was furious with him again. She thought Eli cared about her so much, yet now he was standing here basically saying she wasn't worth fighting over. She ran off into the bathroom, leaving Eli and Fitz glaring at each other in the hallway.

Clare sat in the bathroom stall sobbing. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She thought maybe she had made a huge mistake by calling Fitz up and telling him everything that happened with the breakup. Clearly he was going to make things harder to deal with.

Clare heard the bathroom door open, and she quickly tried to cover up her sobs with coughing.

"Clare? Is that you?" A familiar voice said.

"Yeah," she muttered, unlocking the stall and letting Alli in.

"What did Dr. Doom do this time?" Alli asked.

"I can't believe it Alli. He actually said I'm not worth fighting for. If he loved me as much as he said he did, it wouldn't disappear that quickly," Clare managed to say between sobs.

"If he's saying you're not worth it, he probably wasn't really in love with you."

Clare took in Alli's words with disbelief. There was no way that everything they had shared was not true. Everything was too real.

"That's not possible, Alli."

"I'm sorry Clare, but it's probably the truth. Eli's clearly moved on, and you should too."

"Well, maybe I should talk to him."

"He probably doesn't want to talk to you. He's just another stupid boy Clare. There will be others."

Alli grabbed her bag off the floor of the stall and slung it over her shoulder.

"I need to get to class, I'll see you later," she said as she opened the stall to leave.

When Clare heard the bathroom door shut again, she started crying again. It definitely couldn't be possible that Eli had never really cared, could it? Her chest became heavy and she couldn't breathe. She had put so much into their relationship for absolutely nothing. She was ashamed of herself for letting Eli trick her.

She hated feeling like this. She was so broken up while Eli was okay. It wasn't fair that she should have to be the only one hurting. There was only one thing she could think of that would make her feel any better. She reached into her bag and took out her phone. She signed onto Facerange and typed in her message. Making sure it was anonymous she hit send.

She felt better the moment she hit the send button. She knew it was a mean thing to do, but something about making Eli feel the slightest amount of pain for what he did to her felt good.


End file.
